A "Judge for Yourself Artist"
So in checking out artists for July's AOTM, I was considering the
Raconteurs. Jack White (of The White Stripes) heads up the band with a hodgepodge of members from other bands he befriended while playing locally in Detroit.
After researching the album, I like about 63% of it, especially the first single "Steady as She Goes." It's pretty eclectic, ranging from retro pop to harder rock, a little something for everyone.
While this album is actually decent, I think these guys are a one album band. It doesn't quite meet AOTM standards, but still worth you're consideration.
A Philthy English Lesson
I was cleaning out my email inbox and came across this email sent to me a year ago by my friend, Kate. Supposedly these are actual similes & metaphors submitted by a US English teacher. Though I seriously doubt that the current generation is responsible, I still got a decent chuckle. Enjoy!
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with pinhole in it and goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Toledo at 4:10 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind of his own, like a steel trap - only one that had been left out so long it rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But, unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical duck, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells as if she were a garbage truck baking up.
26. She walked past my office like a centipede with 98 legs missing.
Biddy beep
Time for another installment of "Philthy's Pet Peeves"
-I hate it when people talk on they're nextel phone using the walkie talkie like feature. Especially in an office. I wish I could replace that beepy sound with a punch in the neck.
The missing link in the Axis of Evil: Wisconsin
Recently, I spent 2 weeks in the North Woods of Wisconsin, in a small town on coast of Lake Superior. When I first arrived here, I thought that this would be a standard trip for me: stay in a small town, sell some stuff, high-tail it back to civilization. But those couple weeks were more of an experience for me. Somewhat enlightening, definitely informative, and honestly, a little creepy.
You see, I didn't realize that fateful Sunday evening, that I was driving right into a battle zone. It's a battle that's far greater than Montagues VS Capulets, or even Bloods VS Crips. The battle of which I speak is between Hillbilly & Hippie.
Much like other historic feuds, the battle between hillbillies and hippies is fueled by location. The winding pine forests, rocky bluffs, and a lake that reaches far past the horizon make this perfect breeding ground for both groups. The hillbillies can dwell in deep into the forest, not to be disturbed by even the cleverest and most persistent of Jehovah's Witnesses. And the hippies, initially migrated to the area as wide-eyed 18 year olds to attend an environmental college. But over 4 years (well honestly 6 years) were charmed like a snake to the hypnotizing tune of the wind blowing through the trees and the waves of the lake. (Now, of course, they're ruined by thinking that since they bus tables at an organic bakery, they're saving the world from the evils of capitalistic America.) Both groups (when they're not high on the "grass of the earth", or drunk homemade moonshine) claim this land as their own.
After a few days, I began to realize that the hillbillies and the hippies had a lot in common, and could really live peacefully among one another if they'd just embrace their similarities rather than linger on their differences.
For instance neither groups wear shoes.
Both groups smell bad, and have horrible hygiene.
Their hair is dirty and greasy, their clothes are tattered.
And they both "hate the man."
So consider this my public outcry: Hillbillies and Hippies unite! Frolic in the meadow together chasing butterflies and solve the world's problems under the influence of mind altering substances. Hug a tree, or live in a tree...whatever. I'll promise to leave you alone if you'll promise to shower when you come in contact with the rest of society. Deal?
June AOTM - Gnarls Barkley
If there is such a thing as a hip-hop opera (or hip-hopera, if you will) I think
this album is it. An energizing blend of hip-hop, rap, and funk, Gnarls Barkley makes me appreciate hip-hop the way that Outkast used to. And since they're performing this summer at
Lollapalooza, they're another reason I'm practically wetting myself in anticipation for that weekend.
This is officially the soundtrack to my summer
