HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!
One year ago today, the blog known as Philthy Laundry was born. It was squeezed between the thighs of the world wide web, cradled in the arms of love that only random strangers reading your thoughts can provide, and...I don't mean to brag...but this blog was speaking pretty much right off the bat (he's so smart) We had a cake to share with everyone, but unfortunately I got a little hungry waiting for you to show up to the party.
Anyway we've been through a lot over the past year. Travels from
Ohio to
Alaska,
Canada to
Arizona. We've met some interesting people from the folks at
Big Dicks Rod Shop, to
Elliot, the creepy hair stylist.
We've also added to our family with the addition of superfun. 2 months on the job, and she's moving up the ladder here at Philthy, Inc. pretty quickly. Granted there's only two people on the ladder, but it's still a really tall ladder, that leads to awesome places...awesome places that are higher than the ground.
We're expecting even better things from superfun in the future.
I thought that the best way to celebrate the past year is to relive some of my favorite posts.
One of my more artistic efforts resulted in
poems I wrote to people that I'd come in contact with recently. Many of them were extremely touched.
Over the past year there were also several commentaries on Pop Culture one of my favorites featured
R Kelly And of course there was the
worst day I have ever experienced on earthI hope you've all enjoyed this ride as much as I have. Raise your glasses and cheer to many more posts, and at least another 3-4 weeks at Philthy Laundry!
It's official: I should have gone to Med School
So here I am in Brenham, TX. I was looking forward to warm weather, sunny skies, and girls in tight jeans. So far it's been cool, muggy, foggy, and I haven't seen any girls I'd want to see in tight jeans.
I've also gotten my very first outbreak of pink eye here in the Lonestar State. My eye was itchy, red, and sore all day yesterday, so today I buckled down and went to the doctor. I haven't had the best luck when it comes to the medical profession, (See
this post from last summer) but I figured I'd go blind if I didn't go, so I did. I show up at the office, and here's what happened.
The nurse calls me back, asks the typical questions. Doctor comes in and says "Yeah looks like your eye is a little red. Here's a perscription." And walks out. He was in the office for less than a minute, and didn't even look at my eye closely. I could have had a small creature living in there, but he'd never know.
And for all this, he got $20 of my hard earned cash for a co-pay, and who knows how much from the fine people at Blue Cross.
If it was proper to ask for a refund at the doctor, I would have.
It's times like these that make me wish I would have gone to medical school. 3 years of medical school may be stressful, but when you're done you can charge $100 a visit to tell people what they already know...they're sick. The only down side I can see is you would also have to look at other people's junk.
The day I almost blew up my microwave
Ok, so I just realized our last few posts have been all sappy and lovey dovey...this should lighten things up a bit.
Usually, my apartment is not what anyone would describe as clean. In fact, I've developed a convenient skill to where I can make it look as though I've cleaned, when in fact, I've spent 10 minutes clamoring around picking up dirty dishes from weeks before and throwing dirty clothes in the closet.
Every once in a while though, I get in a mood to clean (usually when even I'm disgusted by the filth that surrounds me.) Saturday was one of those days. I concentrated my efforts around the kitchen, everything from the waist up (I didn't have the energy to deal with the floors.) I pulled out the SOS pads, the citrus scented 409, and went to work. The stove, when I was finished, looked like it just came out of a Best Buy box. I even emptied out the spices from my spice jars in the rack, and cleaned each one of them.
Then came time to clean the microwave. I should probably preface this a bit. I can't ever recall cleaning the inside of my microwave. It's one of those out of sight out of mind things. So you can imagine the disgust when I opened the door and saw more colored food specs than white microwave plasticy material stuff. I tried scrubbing with a wash cloth, to no avail. Then I pulled out my trusty SOS pad for one more miracle. I scrubbed and scrubbed, but the difference was negligible. Then I remembered hearing from someone or something at some point in my life, that if you microwave a bowl of water for 5 minutes or so, it will steam the inside up and loosen the filth. So I gave it a try. Here's where the trouble started. Forgetting that the SOS pad consisted of nothing more than steel wool and soapy goodness, I set the microwave. Then, little shards steel wool glowing blue like radioactive fireflies, started shooting through the tiny confined space. Luckily I was able to stop the madness and remove the tiny shards before my little brownstone became a pile of overpriced rubble.
And thus concludes the day I almost blew up my microwave
My baby's momma
Over the past few months I've been enthralled with a TV show on CBS called
"How I Met Your Mother." The show centers around Ted, who after hearing that his best friend is proposing to his girlfriend, realizes that time is winding down and if he's going to find love, it better happen soon. The show is narrated by a Ted from the future, telling his children the story of how he met their mother, one wacky, heart-wrenching, and romantic story after another.
I'll be the first to admit, that the typical sit-com doesn't usually entertain me, and though this show definitely has it's cheesy, characteristic moments...there's something more that really gets me. Maybe it's the hopeless romantic in me that feels the same as Ted...the same hopeless romanticism that makes me love
those movies,
that if you ever asked me publicly,
I'd deny having ever seen them. Maybe it's that we already know that things are going to work out in the end for Ted (afterall, he's talking to his children about meeting his wife) so it's easy to get emotionally involved in something you know will be a success. Maybe it's that Neil Patrick Harris's hilarious performance recalls all the good memories I had watching Doogie Howser, M.D. in my yesteryear.
Whatever the reason is, I'm really enjoying going on this ride with Ted. He feels the things I feel, worries the way I worry, and pines the way I don't know how to stop. And like Ted, I can only have faith that my ride will end at a similar destination.
And you thought you were having a bad day
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - For the second time in three months, a 16-year-old California girl who lost a leg in an accident has had her artificial limbs stolen.
Melissa Huff, an Arcadia High School student who uses a $16,000 prosthetic limb to play softball for the school team and another one, valued at $12,000, for everyday use, said both were taken from her bedroom Tuesday.
"I was picking up my little brother from school when my mom called me and asked where I left the two prosthetic legs," Huff, who lives in the Los Angeles suburb of Temple City, told Reuters in an interview.
"I knew right then that it had happened again."
Lisa Huff, her mother, said she came home around midday on Tuesday and found the room shared by Melissa and her older sister a mess. Only the prosthetic limbs were missing.
Police say they were talking to the girl's friends, neighbors and relatives for information about the missing legs.
In November, thieves broke into the Huff residence and took just her prosthetic limb. After that incident, Melissa's prosthetist and a local real estate company donated about $16,000 for a new limb.
The stolen limb was discovered in the teenager's backyard about a month ago, apparently thrown there by the thieves.
Melissa lost her real leg two years ago when a driver accidentally ran into her as she stood in front of her middle school.
She said she intends to get back on the field this week and just practice throwing until she gets another prosthetic limb.
How I spent Valentine's Day
As a single person, you'd probably expect that I spent Valentine's Day bitter and alone, with the Olympic men's figure skating team as my only friends, just before crying myself to sleep. Well not today my friends. Not this year. Here's a list of things I did for this Valentine's Day:
1. Proposed to 11 different women 14 different times
2. Stripped several toddlers down to their diapers, glued wings on their backs, and armed them with bows & arrows.
3. Hacked into match.com and paired people based on complete incompatibility (Mwah ha ha ha)
4. Scraped the warm messages that usually are on those tiny candy hearts and replaced them with my own messages such as "You too will die a lonely old man," and "At least your cats still love you"
5. Went to the fanciest restaurant in Burlington, Iowa, ordered a bottle of their cheapest champagne, and walked around toasting couples having a romantic dinner (read, ruined several couples' dinners)
I hope whatever you did this Valentine's Day, you had a great time. And always remember...Philthy loves you
Eatin' Good in the Neighborhood
I've done my fair share of traveling in the past year and there is a trend that I'm starting to notice around the country: All the weirdos are hanging out at Applebees.
I've posted before about my
strange observations and your favorite neighborhood bar and grill.
Today everything I noticed at the Burlington, Iowa Applebees was in written form.
First: I noticed a jacket that said "A 2 Z Taxidermy." What this says to me is that they'll stuff anything that's dead. From Armadillos to Zamboni Drivers.
Second: While going to the bathroom to wash my hands before enjoying my delicious
Bourbon Street Steak there was a sign posted that said "Please wash hands in sink only." The fact that they even had to post that sign only confirms my previous thoughts on the Iowanese.
Third: Just before I left, a rather large man came in wearing a T-shirt that said "Wanna buy my baby?" with an arrow pointing to what I can only hope was intended to point at his protruding stomach. So if anyone wants a fetus...I've got one on order.
Bon Appetit!
Philthy's Grammy Predictions
I'm not the biggest fan of most award shows, but I'm a pretty big music fan, so I like to tune in each year to root on my favorites. In my opinion, the Grammys, compared to the other award shows tend to be pretty genuine in their selections, and don't solely rely on the hype surrounding an artist when selecting a winner.
Here are my thoughts on who I think should win in the main categories. You can see how well I do when the Grammys air Wednesday, Feb 8th at 7 CST, on CBS. (If anyone from the Grammys is reading this, please send my endorsement check to my home address.)
Nominees:
Record of the Year (awarded to artist and producer)
-We Belong Together, Mariah Carey
-Feel Good Inc, The Gorillaz
-Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Green Day
-Hollaback Girl, Gwen Stefani
-Gold Digger, Kanye West
Philthy's Vote: Gold Digger, Kanye West (though I hate him as a person, great song)
Who'll Actually Win: Gold Digger, Kanye West
Shouldn't have been nominated: Hollaback Girl, Gwen Stefani (horrible)
Album of the Year -The Emancipation of Mimi, Mariah Carey
-Chaos & the Creation in the Backyard, Paul McCartney
-Love. Angel. Music. Baby., Gwen Stefani
-How to Dismantle an Atomic bomb, U2
-Late Registration, Kanye West
Philthy's Vote: How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, U2
Who'll Actually Win: The Emancipation of Mimi, Mariah Carey
Snubbed (wasn't nominated): Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson
Most Likely to Throw a Fit and Stab Someone When They Lose: Kanye West
Song of the Year (songwriter award)
-Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts
-Devils & Dust, Bruce Springsteen
-Ordinary People, John Legend
-Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, U2
-We Belong Together, Mariah Carey
Philthy's Vote: Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts
Who'll Actually Win: Ordinary People, John Legend
New Jersey's Pick: The Boss
Best New Artist-Ciara
-Fall Out Boy
-Keane
-John Legend
-Sugarland
Philthy's Vote: Who Cares? No real standouts this year.
Who'll Actually Win: John Legend
Most Brittish: Keane
Best Pop Album:-Extrordinary Machine, Fiona Apple
-Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson
-Wildflower, Sheryl Crow
-Chaos & Creation In The Backyard, Paul McCartney
-Love. Angel. Music. Baby, Gwen Stefani
Philthy's Vote: Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson (I'm out of the Kelly Clarkson Closet)
Who'll Actually Win: Love. Angel. Music. Baby, Gwen Stefani (Probably, though I thought every song she sang this year was horribly annoying)
Comeback (But Still Looks Like a Heroin Addict) Award: Fiona Apple
Traditional Pop Album:-The Art Of Romance, Tony Bennett
-It's Time, Michael Buble'
-Isn't It Romantic, Johnny Mathis
-Moonlight Serenade, Carly Simon
-Thanks for the Memory, Rod Stewart
Philthy's Vote: It's Time, Michael Buble'
Who'll Actually Win: It's Time, Michael Buble'
Rock Album:-X&Y, Coldplay
-In Your Honor, Foo Fighters
-A Bigger Bang, The Rolling Stones
-How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, U2Prairierie Wind, Neil Young
Philthy's Vote: In Your Honor, Foo Fighters
Who'll Actually Win: How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, U2
Biggest Disappointment: X&Y, Coldplay (only a few great tracks on this album...which is great for most bands, but this is Coldplay. They've set high expectations and didn't deliver like I hoped)
Best Alternative Album-Funeral, The Arcade Fire
-Guero, Beck
-Plans, Death Cab for Cutie
-You Could Have It So Much Better, Franz Ferdinand
-Get Behind Me Satan, The White Stripes
Philthy's Pick: Tie. Guero, Beck; and Get Behind Me Satan, The White Stripes (Though I think this is the greatest arrangement of talent of any of the other categories)
Who'll Actually Win: Get Behind Me Satan, The White Stripes
Check out all the nominees
February AOTM - James Blunt
James Blunt has created a lot of buzz in 2005, so I'm getting on the band wagon a little late. His album isn't anything that's going to make you want to get up and dance, instead it's very chill. Rainy Day Music if you will. Check it out
