Philthy VS Canada Round 3
About a month ago, I made my third trip to Canada to visit our Northerly neighbors in the last 6 months. Subsequently, my passport has asked to be reassigned to someone who'll take it to more exciting places than Winnipeg. (I'm just kidding, passports can't talk)
Anyway, I believe I was victorious in my first two rounds VS Canada, but the jury's still out on this latest trip, as Canada fought back with a vengeance. Let me walk you through this.
First: I leave Chicago on a beautiful late April day, only to be crammed into the smallest plane since the Wright brothers' conception and to land in Winnipeg where it's at least 30 degrees cooler. Approximately 20 minutes into my drive to Brandon, MB, it started snowing; something my t-shirt and flip flops were not prepared for.
Result: 1 point CanadaSecond: I negotiated a rate on my rental car to get a
Chrysler 300c, prepared to rip Canada a new one with a Hemi engine.
Result: 1 point Philthy.Third: Craving something Asian, I decided to get some Indian food for dinner. This ultimately led to the entire wing of my hotel having to vacate while my body attempted to digest this. (Life Lesson: Don't order Indian food from a place with a drive through)
Result: Tie. I was in pain, but so was everyone else. Fourth: I successfully lasted 2 more weeks without contracting bird flu.
Result: 1 point PhilthyFifth: On a weekend jaunt back to Winnipeg, the Canadian weather attacked me again. A relatively calm day suddenly turned into an intense hailstorm, causing me to fishtail said rental car out of control only to end up stuck in the ditch along the interstate. If you've ever thought of getting into car accidents in Canada, I would definitely reconsider. On the bright side though, several people graciously stopped and offered to help me out, including a nun in full get-up. If you haven't seen a nun run across a ditch in the rain, you haven't lived life.
Result: 2 points Canada. One for stranding me in the hail/rain for a better part of the evening, and one for yet another life lesson (Canadians are nicer than I give them credit for)So with a score of 4 to 3, Canada takes Round 3. But I'm still ahead 2 rounds to 1. Will Canada get another opportunity to even the score? I hope not.
Reason #18 you know you're bitter
You're awoken on a beautiful spring day to the sound of birds singing outside your window, and you reach for a shotgun.
Frequently (and Rarely) Asked Questions
In response to the overwhelming amount of emails I get weekly I've decided that a FAQ post is in order. Below are some of the questions I get asked, some frequent, some rare.
Q: I really love your Artist of the Month posts. How do you choose the bands you post about?A: Thanks, I really love them too. There's no set way I choose them...some are recommended to me by friends, some are just lesser known bands I've enjoyed for a while, some are just up and coming artists that I've stumbled across. The only criteria is that I like the music, it's not too offensive, and that the album or albums I write about are not just passing fads, but the music is classically timeless, meaning that if you're a fan of the genre, if you pick up the album in 10 years, it's still going to be as awesome as the day it came out.
Q: How do you and superfun know each other? A: We were both looking for a body shot partner at bar during Spring Break in Cabo and alas, a friendship was born.
But seriously, superfun and I met in college through mutual friends, and while we don't live near each other, we correspond frequently.
Q: Why would you let a girl write on your blog? Don't girls have cooties?A: While it's been suspected for years, there is no solid medical evidence that girls have cooties...though I'm not taking any chances. (I've already had bird flu twice in the last 12 months.) Through all the years that I've known superfun, she was always known as the person to go to if you needed cheering up. She has a story for just about any situation, most of which I'm still coaxing her to publish on the internet. Also, as a female she has a different perspective on things that help to diversify our readership.
Q: Do you have a favorite body part?A: Kinda weird, but ok. I actually really like bellybuttons, for some reason, especially outie ones. I often wish I had an outie.
Q: Have you ever considered writing anything besides blog posts? A: Yes, I've also considered writing ingredient lists for cereal boxes, but frankly, it's not that exciting. Creative writing is something I've always been intrigued by, but I don't consider myself a very good writer, and I'm probably the least diligent person you'll ever meet.
Q: Speaking of diligence, I've noticed that your posts come in waves. There will be 2-3 per week for a while, and then nothing? What's the frickin deal?A: First, don't take that tone with me. Second, how did you know that I'd mention diligence in an answer right before your question? You must be a mindfreak. Anyway, I tend to only post when something inspires me to write. If that doesn't happen, then no posts. Deal with it. Lately I've been pretty busy with my part time job as well: tapping phone calls for the NSA.
Q: You seem really charming. How is it that someone as wonderful as you is still single? A: Mom, I asked you to quit bringing that up. Seriously.
But I am entertaining options. If you're interested, send me a resume, and we'll talk.
Q: How come some poo floats, and some sinks?A: Not really the kind of question I was hoping to answer today, but lucky for you this happens to be my area of expertise. Whether poo sinks or floats all has to do with the air and gas content in the poo. The more air, the less dense the poo is, therefore it floats.
Q: So you post all the time about traveling to random towns in the middle of nowhere for your job. What exactly do you do?A: It's kind of complicated, but basically I help newspapers sell contractual advertising into an entertainment publication that my company provides for them. In short, I work for the man.
Q: I think you're the type of leader this country is looking for. Have you ever considered running for public office?A: Actually, it's funny you ask, because I am in the process of announcing my candidacy for the 2020 presidential election. I know that I'll technically be eligible to run for president in 2016, but I'm going to give myself an extra 4 years to assure the public I'm the man for the job. Plus, I've already come up with a catchy slogan: "2020, A New Vision for America" I'm not entirely sure what my campaign platforms will be, but it will definitely include an invasion and takeover of Canada (which I'm only thinking will take about 4 1/2 hours.) We'll also find some way to ensure that stupid people are only seen and not heard...I'm looking at you Massachusetts.
Q: Philthy, will you father my child?A: Probably not, but we'll see where I'm at in 15 years.
Q: Is it possible I could hire you to come my party/event to ensure it will be unforgettable?A: Yes, I am always for sale. If you're interested please contact Philthy Laundry's Party Catalyst at 1-800-PHILTHY.
Q: I've been thinking a lot about what you said the other day. Were you serious?A: I think it's pretty obvious that I was just kidding, but if I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry. Let's hug it out.
I'll now field any other questions you may have.
May AOTM - Ian McFeron Band
I had the opportunity to see this reletively unknown band at the
Triple Door (which by the way is the coolest venue I've been to in a while) when I visited Seattle earlier this spring. The band is local to Washington, but maybe this will be the springboard to complete global domination.
Ian Mcferon Band is fronted by Ian McFeron (bet you didn't see that one coming.) His voice is simple and crisp, and lyrically, he's one of the best songwriters I've heard in a long time. The sound ranges from acoustic rock and pop, to folk and bluegrass. Imagine Bob Dylan as the lead singer of Dave Matthews Band, which I guess would make it Bob Dylan Band. Anyway...
As far as I know, unless you're in the Pacific Northwest, you can't purchase any music at your local store, but it is for sale on his website (linked to the right) and you can hear the songs before you buy.
This will be probably the most "country" person I'll ever endorse, so if you like that sort of music, and respect my taste and opinion, I'd jump now.
*Note, there's a chance this guy may be a
commie based on the lyrics to one of his songs...it's still catchy though
