Women's sports
There's just something about women's sports that is unentertaining. Whether it be softball, basketball, golf, field hockey, pie bake-off, etc. There are two exceptions, however, that I do enjoy watching women compete. One is Beach Volleyball, the other is Tennis. As I watched the Venus Williams v Maria Sharapova match today, I was more than just entertained, I was into it. "Sitting on the edge of the chair, cheering after a rally" type of into it. So that left me to ponder: What makes these two women's sports more entertaining than the rest.
I've come up with a couple of suggestions.
First is the most obvious: Little uniforms. Let's face it, no matter how hard we try to suppress it, men like to look at pretty girls. In Beach Volleyball, the competitors are wearing bikinis...that's entertaining. In tennis they have the little skirts and dresses, not to mention that female tennis players have gotten a lot more attractive since Billie Jean King.
I think this same theory helps to explain why men in general dislike the majority of female sports. To men, women are supposed to be delicate, cute, submissive, and nurturing. Not physical, competitive, ruthless, and powerful. When women compete with each other physically, it a lot of times makes them less attractive, and guys don't like that.
The second is the team aspect. Personally, I don't think women work well as a team, especially the larger the team gets. With women, they are always analyzing each other and forming attitudes right off the bat about other people.
Tennis is largely an individual sport, beach volleyball is usually a duo.
This argument has a ton of holes, which I will help you shoot. I think the "women not working well as a team" argument is more true is social situations than sports. I actually don't think that women's sports teams work poorly as a team, in general.
So where does that leave us? I've got one more thought...Women are not physical and competitive enough. Watching the Spurs vs Pistons battle it out against each other is a matchup worth watching, but seeing WNBA Team A vs WNBA Team B run up and down the court missing shots and not capitalizing on rebounds is a snooze. If Rebecca Lobo played like Shaq would we watch?
Let's see what the internet has to say about this topic. And any women who want to make comments about how this is sexist and I should be ashamed of myself for talking about this can save themselves the trouble of that argument and go make me a sandwich. Of course intelligent dialogue from the female readers of Philthy Laundry is, as always, encouraged.
July AOTM- Van Morrison
July's Artist of the Month is so great, that I thought he deserved a post.
Van Morrison is probably best known for the song "Brown Eyed Girl," which is a staple at any wedding reception in the Continental US. It is because of this, that I have actually grown to dislike this song...that and the fact that everytime I hear it, there's always a girl with blue eyes that shouts "blue-eyed girl" everytime the chorus comes around. That is until I beat her until she's unconscious.
But Van Morrison is, in my opinion, one of the greatest artists of the 20th century. His 1970 album
Moondance with it's haunting, bluesy melodies, is an album that everyone must own. Also, his latest album,
Magic Time is pretty awesome as well, especially for a 60 year old.
In short, Van Morrison rocks, and you should buy 1 or all of his albums.
Thank you.
What have I become????
Anyone who knows me knows that there are two groups of people I hate more than anyone. The first: Hippies. Nothing irks me more than these pot smoking losers who are "sticking it to the man" by wasting their day playing bongos naked and dancing around listening to no-talent, ass-clown bands who haven't realized that 28 minutes is too long for one song.
The other group of people I despise, are yuppies. And it occurred to me Thursday night, as I was in a California Pizza Kitchen, wearing a shirt and tie, listening to my Ipod and talking on my cell phone, that I've been riding the yuppie line a little too closely. I was seriously one application of hair balm and a leather wrist cuff away from punching myself.
But luckily I went back to my hotel room, changed into two polo shirts (collars up) and watched the OC.
Phew, that was a close one.
Snubbed again
Well it's official. I am not one of
Chicago's hottest singles. This is the third installment of this list since I've lived here, and I've yet to be named. The first year, I can understand...I'd only been here a week or so. But by year 3, I expect to have the recognition I deserve.
I mean, who is Chris Duhon anyway???
Parents Just Don't Understand
All the posts this week will be titled after songs from washed up singers from the recent past.
So I'm sitting in this decently nice Italian restaurant in the suburbs. Next to me is a table with 2 women and 2 children. One girl, about 11, and a boy in between 4-6. I'm looking forward to a nice quiet evening filled with Chicken Parmesan and Jack Kerouac, but my table neighbors have a different idea. The kids (who were for some reason wearing cardboard party hats) thought it would be wonderful to run around the restaurant, poking each other, yelling, and acting like little monsters.
I can deal with unruly kids occasionally. Let's say the kid is under 5...he doesn't know any better and a few outbursts are expected. But the 11 year old, has no excuse. I can also deal with some outbursts if you're in a kid friendly environment...Mcdonald's or even Chili's. But this was a nice restaurant, candles and wine and the whole shebang. If you can't control your kids, stick to the drive through at BK.
I know kids will be kids, and maybe i'm speaking out of turn, since I don't have any little bundles of joy myself...but some parents just don't understand how to raise their kids.
There's a story from my younger years of one of the last times I acted up in church. I was probably being a little bastard, no one really remembers what was going on, but my dad carried me out of the church, over his shoulder, while I was screaming "Don't spank me daddy, I'll be good." But my father, wisely, did not cave under my crying and begging. He told me that I know I'm supposed to be good in church, and he asked me to stop and I didn't, and now I deserved a spanking. And if I did it again, it would be worse.
The morale of this story is that my parents knew how to deal with rowdy kids, you hit them til they shut up.
It really pains me when I see a woman such as the woman that was sitting next to me at dinner. It was almost like her children's behavior didn't even phase her anymore. Given proper discipline while grooming these youngin's they will turn out having fear and awe, and overall respect and love for their parents.
Thanks mom & dad, there's no telling how horrible I would be without you.
Smooth Criminal
Well Michael Jackson may not be guilty, but he's still crazy.
A little piece of advice for the fallen king of pop: Stay away from the Mcdonald's playland until this whole thing dies down a bit.
What did you just ask me?
Today I was searching for a new doctor. Since I have a new job, I am back with Blue Cross Blue Shield as my insurance provider...with that comes several headaches. From my experience, they are difficult to work with, and recently, several doctors stopped providing services for BCBS patients. So I prepared myself for frustration and hit the worldwide web. After a few searches I found a doctor who's name I could pronounce, so I called...he just retired (of course it took me 10 minutes and 3 different people to find this out.) I found another...number was disconnected, so he was probably a great doctor. Round three: After 5 minutes of prompts and recordings I get in touch with a real person. Let me relay this conversation to you:
Man Secretary: Hi, can you hold?Me: sure...(but I was already on hold before I answered.)
5 minutes of Michael Bolton music elapses
Man Secretary: Hi can I help you?Me: Yes, I was wondering if I could make an appointment with Dr. Hagen.
Man Secretary: Ok, have you ever seen him before?Me: No, I'm a new patient.
Man Secretary: Oh Gosh, can you hold again?Me: Uh, I guess
5 more minutes of Dionne Warwick
Man Secretary: Hi, can I help you?Me: I hope so, I need to make an appointment with Dr Hagen.
Man Secretary: Oh right, and you're a new patient. Me: Yes
Man Secretary: Well, can I ask you how you found out about our clinic?Me: Ok, Well I was on the Blue Cross Blue Shield website looking for PPO providers in my area, and this was a doctor who's name I could pronounce.
Man Secretary: I see. Well, are you gay?Me: Excuse me????
Man Secretary: Are you gay?Me: Uh...no.
Silence
Man Secretary: Well, our clinic really caters to the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered patients.
Me: (stuttering) Oh, uh, ok.
More Silence. I'm just thinking, how can I end this call without this guy thinking I'm a bigot.
Man Secretary: I mean, you can still make an appointment if you want. Do you want to?Me: Uh, well, I mean...Not really...But THANK YOU! (this was really loud and awkward) Goodbye.
Click.
So I'm still in search of a doctor. And I'm also in fear of losing my power in society as a white, heterosexual, Christian, male. I'm used to feminists not liking me because I'm male, and I'm used to minorities not liking me because I'm white, and I'm used to "people that are going to hell" not liking me because I'm a Christian. But this is my first time being discriminated against because I'm not gay.
Welcome to Post-Modern America.
Hooray Beer!
So I've had a lot of time off from work recently, which has let me enjoy one of my favorite shows on ESPN, Pardon the interruption. PTI has recently obtained a new sponsor, Red Stripe. As a sponsor of PTI, Red Stripe gets a few 30 second spots within the 1/2 hour of sports babble. Let me tell you, these commercials are amazing, and I just had to share them with you.
Check them out.
