Airing my Philthy Laundry

Dear Las Vegas Board of Tourism

It's time to retire the whole "Whatever happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" thing.

Seriously.

posted by philthy @ 8:38 AM 2 comments

Table for One

One of the weird parts about traveling alone is that I eat a majority of my meals in restaurants by myself. I'm a people person, so I admit that in the beginning this was strange for me, but I got used to it pretty quickly. Apparently the restaurant industry is not as used to it as I am, because at least 3 times a week the following sequence happens.

I walk up to the hostess and she is perky and smiley when she says "Welcome to (insert crappy chain restaurant name here) How many?

And I say, "Just One."

She inevitably gets this sad look in her eyes like she's just seen a squirrel get run over by a Hummer, and quickly concentrates on the wipey-board thing where all the tables are laid out. I can almost hear the thoughts bouncing off the walls of her tiny skull "Table for one! What do I do? All of our tables have at least two chairs...do I make him sit on the floor? Maybe I should sit him in the corner where he won't be seen by everyone else trying to enjoy their meal."
Eventually she takes me to a table.

I peruse the menu wondering which deep fried, cheese covered, meat product I'll partake of this evening. Then the waitress comes.
"Just you tonight?" said with the same pathetic, dead squirrel look.
I respond, "Yes." And her reaction is always the same:
"Oh...well that's ok!" (She has to fight the urge to finish the sentence with "...you poor thing") "How 'bout I bring you something to drink?" Like the only thing that can fill the gaping hole in my soul is a Cherry Coke.

The rest of the meal is usually relatively normal. I either get extra attention from the waitress so she can feel good about postponing my impending suicide one more day, or they're so afraid of the situation that contact is minimal. There are always some looks from other patrons in the restaurant, looks that scream "I wonder why he's alone?" and "If I were him I'd just go through the Wendy's Drive-Thru and cry myself to sleep."

And this is the life I lead, day in and day out.

I think I'm going to go get a Cherry Coke.

posted by philthy @ 1:24 PM 1 comments

See no evil

Posts have been scarce lately, but there's some stuff in my head that has yet to be written down. When I get some time, it'll happen. Here's a little something to tide you over.

I'm in Jacksonville, FL for the next couple weeks (Coincidently, "Florida" means "Humidity" in Portuguese.) The other night I was sitting outside at a restaurant on the Jacksonville Landing and I noticed the table next to me had 4 blind people sitting with their seeing eye dogs. I sat their marveling at the discipline of the dogs, lying attentively by their owner's sides. As the night went on I noticed more and more blind people walking around (about 25 in all), at several restaurants in the area. I thought there must be some "blind convention" or something, because there were too many for it to be pure coincidence. Finally I noticed a woman walking towards me to appeared to be blind, and she had a convention nametag around her neck. I leaned in, eager to see what the convention name was, and she looked at me oddly and said "hello."

It was at this time that I realized that she wasn't blind, she was just crosseyed.

posted by philthy @ 8:37 PM 0 comments

July AOTM - John Mayer Trio

I have a sorted past with John Mayer, and not the kind that college girls dream about. I learned about JM when I was a sophomore in college, about a year before he got mainstream popular. I became a big fan of his acoustic rock/pop style and catchy lyrics. Room for Squares came out (which is a great album) and all the sudden, he was on the cover of Tiger Beat. In my opinion, the sudden fame went to his head, and his music started to suck (see his sophomore effort Heavier Things)

Then i read somewhere that he was worried about being pegged as teeny pop, and thus decided to really utilize his talent and diversify himself. Thus John Mayer Trio is born, a simple yet classic blues band with Steve Jordan on drums, Pino Palladino on bass, and fronted by Mayer. I was intrigued when I heard of this new formation, but was worried about getting burned by JM again. I put it on my "things to check out" mental list and forgot about it.

Then about 6 weeks ago, the always cordial Jeremiah told me I should really check them out. And since he has good musical taste, and a hot wife, I decided I'd spend the $17 on the Try!, the band's first CD, brilliantly recorded live (the best way to listen to blues.) Obviously I'm glad I did or I wouldn't be writing this. Through his pop demise, I forgot what a truly gifted musician JM is. If you like blues music, you'll love this album. And if you don't like blues music, there's an open invitation for you to spend a weekend with me exploring Chicago's best blues clubs until you do. Have your people call my people...which is really just my mom.

posted by philthy @ 6:12 PM 0 comments