"...and we all fall down"
A while ago (aka January) I was having dinner with superfun and Mr. and Mrs. Oneway and conversation led to the song "Ring around the Rosey" The song was written about the Bubonic Plague (aka Black Death) that wiped out 30% of Europe. With such a fun subject matter it's no wonder this was commemorated in song and taught to small children.In an effort to ensure that the children of the future remember the pandemics of today's era, I've decided to write some songs of my own...I hope you enjoy them, and please, teach them to your children.
Cancer (to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star")
Tumors, Tumors everywhere
Lumps and moles, you'll lose your hair
Dizzy, drowsy, bloody stool
Having cancer's not so cool
Don't smoke, or drink, or tan in the sun,
Then your life will be more fun!
SARS (to the tune "Let's Talk About Sex" by Salt N Pepa)
Let's talk about SARS, baby
Let's talk about the wheezing
It starts out like pnuemonia
Then bursts on through ya
Like Mao through Beijing
Let's talk about SARS
Let's talk about SARS
Ebola (to the tune of the diarrhea song)
When you're tired and you're sore
and you're bleeding from your pores
It's Ebola! It's Ebola!
Your fever doesn't break
and your head's got the aches
It's Ebola! It's Ebola!
Chest pains confirm your fears
and you're crying bloody tears
It's Ebola! It's Ebola!
Your insides become your outs
then you know without a doubt
It's Ebola! It's Ebola!
AIDS (to the tune of "The Ants Go Marchin'")
A-I-D-S, A-I-D-S
When you are an addict of drugs
You moan , You cough
and share needles with those thugs
You moan, You cough
promiscuous sex is all the rage
til you lose so much weight
you can see your rib cage
And you all go falling down,
to the ground,
'cause you're crippled
with pain
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS,
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS,
AIDS!
**Disclaimer: I know this post is wrong on so many levels, but it's also so right. I personally don't find any of these diseases funny (except SARS) and if you're currently suffering from any of these my prayers are with you. I'm only doing this for the children**
posted by philthy @ 6:03 PM
6 Comments:
classic.
Truly immortal words penned by Philthy.
Since 2003, I've always said "SARS sucks". Too bad the bar crawl didn't materialize.
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note to self: do not read phil's blog while in a situation where sudden bursts of laughter are socially unacceptable (aka the coffee shop i'm sitting in at the moment). people are beginning to stare.
also, have you thought about the morbidity of other simingly childish songs? for example, what about "rock-a-bye baby in the tree top, when the wind blows the cradle will rock; when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall; down will come baby, cradle and all"?! sleep tight sweetie! our society is so messed up.
Give me a song about Syphilis. PLEASE.
Syphilis is not at all entertaining.
ok, maybe a little
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