Airing my Philthy Laundry

How I spent Valentine's Day

As a single person, you'd probably expect that I spent Valentine's Day bitter and alone, with the Olympic men's figure skating team as my only friends, just before crying myself to sleep. Well not today my friends. Not this year. Here's a list of things I did for this Valentine's Day:

1. Proposed to 11 different women 14 different times

2. Stripped several toddlers down to their diapers, glued wings on their backs, and armed them with bows & arrows.

3. Hacked into match.com and paired people based on complete incompatibility (Mwah ha ha ha)

4. Scraped the warm messages that usually are on those tiny candy hearts and replaced them with my own messages such as "You too will die a lonely old man," and "At least your cats still love you"

5. Went to the fanciest restaurant in Burlington, Iowa, ordered a bottle of their cheapest champagne, and walked around toasting couples having a romantic dinner (read, ruined several couples' dinners)

I hope whatever you did this Valentine's Day, you had a great time. And always remember...Philthy loves you

posted by philthy @ 11:37 PM