Airing my Philthy Laundry

Phil needs...

I've recently discovered another one of those crazy Google games that you can waste an entire Saturday playing. Basically you type in "[your name] needs" into google and read with amazement all the things the internet thinks you need.

Here are some of the more entertaining ones (with my commentary):

-Phil needs to go visit a nursing home with his sketch pad (right you are, I haven't drawn Grandma's portrait in a while)
-Phil needs to release his tension, find a nice girlfriend and settle down (if you only knew how right you were)
-Phil needs a new, globalization-free, place to live (don't we all?)
-Phil needs a new kidney to survive (holy crap!)
-Phil needs to be taken down a peg or two (obviously from a webpage full of lies)
-Phil needs to join in the ranks of the TV Show Wife Swap! (let's work on #2 first)
-Phil needs to be reimbursed 10 bucks for paperware (damn the man)
-Phil needs a sponsor because he is amazing (no comment needed)
-Phil needs a bigger cushion than five runs to assure victory. (someone who obviously went to my little league games)
-Phil needs your help today to fight the Schwarzenegger fundraising machine! (even I can't stop the terminator)
-Phil needs the extension paint brush because he's not very tall, nor does he have long, ape-like flesh-tubes for arms.
-Phil needs to figure out how to make his lsamin package work correctly. (actually phil needs to know what his lsamin package is)
-Phil needs to feel superior and find people who are inferior who make him feel better about himself. (that's a little harsh, don't you think?)
-Phil needs to read his own biography on why he started making music to begin with. (Beans, Beans, the musical fruit...)
-Phil needs to have a serious talk with Oprah (if she'd only return my calls)
-Phil needs hair plugs (my worst nightmare, realized)
-Phil needs a raggedy old green army coat.
-Phil needs tighter jeans and crisper tops or fitted sweaters (that's the last thing Phil needs)
-Phil needs to get his swerve on from time to time. (Riiiiight)
-Phil needs packed up and sent to Mars on the 1st space mission there. (sounds fun)
-Phil needs for you to go in and kick his butt every 30 days or so. (my personal favorite)

I highly recommend having the internet tell you what you need. Just make sure you don't have anything going on for the next few hours.

posted by philthy @ 5:01 PM