Airing my Philthy Laundry

The people of Ohio never fail to disappoint me

Ohio has produced some very bright, and influential people including the Wright Brothers, Thomas Edison, and Neil Armstrong. Unfortunately, I didn't have the privilege of meeting any great Ohioans this weekend...instead I met what could be the cast of a low budget version of the Real World.
Everyone was there. Let's start with the high school football star whose biggest moment of his life was the playoff win against his rival high school. Most of his sentences started out with "Man, remember that game against Valley Forge..." And then there was the counterpart to the reminiscent jock...the bitter basketball girl who didn't get enough playing time. 20 minutes I sat and listened to her talk about how she blames the coach for her lack of success as a basketball player, how she wasn't the favorite and thus less talented players got to play over her, and how she's developed a disorder where on the first Tuesday of the month she eats nothing but Pineapple and Easy Cheese to help numb the pain. (ok I made that last part up)
Then there was the engaged couple who were very fun and in love at the beginning of the night, but after a few drinks, they were screaming at each other and she was throwing his ring across the bar. Another couple, this one married, was celebrating that tonight it wasn't them fighting, followed by a high five. Fast forward an hour later and they're standing on opposite ends of the bar sending smoldering looks each other's way.
Then came the finale and my favorite part of the night. We were just getting ready to leave when a man in a cheap suit approaches the table and starts commenting how nice two of the people looked together. They weren't dating, but decided to play along hoping it was drunken babble and he would go away. Instead he pulls a jewelry box out of his pocket and tries to sell us quite possibly the ugliest piece of jewelry I've ever seen. He notices us fighting back the laughter and leaves. Then, THEN we walk outside and see the biggest spectacle since the circus rolled through town. A man, well into his 30s was standing across the street in front of a closed storefront. He was dressed in an electric blue jumpsuit, horribly dyed blond hair, dancing to rap music blaring from a boombox on the ground next to him, and holding a cardboard sign made out of magic markers and glitter that said "Eminem is my daddy."
I'll let you digest that for a minute.




Being the sober guy out with drunks is sometimes annoying, sometimes entertaining, but this time, was definitely one of a kind.

posted by philthy @ 9:43 PM