Things I've learned lately
-Trying to cure a mild case of constipation "the old fashioned way" by eating mass quantities of buffalo wings will cause you to experience all four forms of poop: hard clumps, soft logs, diarrhea, and pure liquid...in that order-When you feel like you're pretty hot stuff, you meet at least 10 people that are WAY better than you (AKA the classic lesson in pride)
-I could totally kick ass on the Teen Tournament of Jeopardy (if only I wasn't approaching 25)
-Viagra is a gateway drug to other performance enhancing drugs (thanks Rafael)
-Even if I could grow facial hair like a normal man, I would still look stupid with a beard
-Adult acne always strikes at the worst possible time (usually right before a scheduled photo)
-Always hold your finger over the bottle of ketchup when you shake it (a lesson learned too late for my favorite shorts)
-You don't have to have any grocery knowledge to work at Jewel (I bought plums and the cashier rang up apples, this after she asked me for my ID to ring up the 12 pack of Ginger Ale I wanted to purchase)
-Roger Ebert is married to a large black woman named Chaz
posted by philthy @ 7:15 PM
2 Comments:
Ebert and the fat black lady. I had no idea. Siskel is dead.
Oh my gosh, I am dying laughing that you got ID'd for ginger ale. That might be the funniest thing I've ever heard. My dad got ID'd recently when he ordered a beer at a restaurant. My dad is 53. He problably orders a beer once every 2 or 3 years, and he got crap about it. In his words "I told the zit-faced kid that if he needed my ID I'd have an iced tea"...the zit faced kid did bring him a beer.
Also, if you need to drop a deuce, nothing gets your system moving better than coffee. And the stronger, the faster. It'll work like a charm every time Phil.
Teresa
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