Airing my Philthy Laundry

On the Road in Lisbon, OH

So you know in that Jack Keroac book "On the Road" when Sal travels around the country eating apple pie and ice cream? Well, this trip was nothing like that...but if one were to do such an ala mode tour, Lisbon, OH and the surrounding area would be an great stop. After my Sandusky experience, I must say, I wasn't all that thrilled about a trip back to Ohio. But life has it's way of surprising you, and I actually enjoyed myself.

I hopped on a plane on a beautiful Chicago Sunday, only to be thrust into a snowstorm 45 minutes later when I landed in Akron. It was a lot like finding a used bandaid in your soup at a greasy diner...you know you should have expected it, but you're still pissed. I jumped in the worst rental car in history and drove through the hills and curves of the backroads of Ohio til I reached my destination.
Day One, I was with a sales rep and we were lining up our appointments for the morning. We had a ford dealership, a carpet store, oh, and Big Dick's Rod Shop.

Obviously I was really excited to go to Big Dick's. When I got there, I was relieved, but a little disappointed that it was just a Hot Rod repair shop. But I had a great time talking to this middle aged marketing genious. In addition to hot rod repair, they actually make a good profit off of their T-shirt sales. Most had some sort of phallic reference to car parts that I didn't understand (since I know nothing about cars.) But my favorite was "Even nice girls like Big Dick's" Touching. Thank God I had enough sense to realize Mother's Day is just around the corner, so I picked one up.

The other interesting thing that happened was mid week, when I was sitting in one of the manager's offices having a little meeting about the week's progression, and then I here him say "Oh hi Jane, come on in." Then, I thought I was in a movie...this 6' 3'' lady walks in and I looked up at her real slow, you know starting at her feet as the camera pans up her body to her face. Jane was wearing this GIANT high heels, purple stockings, a yellow skirt, some white shirt with a leopard print, transparent shirt over it. She had long, bright red hair, and a chisled jaw line. Her voice was deep, her hands could crack walnuts. She looked like an ugly Patrick Swayze in drag.

I later found out that Jane, used to be John. About 6 months ago he decided he was a she and started to undergo treatment...apparently it's a long process. John used to be married, has kids, and now is dating a woman that works at the paper (so he may also be a lesbian, we're not sure.) He's currently taking drugs to make his breasts grow and to stop growing facial hair, and he's going through the "emotional changes." Soon she'll have enough money to get his bits and kibble changed into something a little more feminine...and then (s)he'll finally be the woman he always dreamed he could be!

I think that was most of the excitement in Northeast Ohio.
Next stop is Northern California which should prove to be an adventure. I may even take a trip to San Francisco over the weekend...imagine all the freaks I'll encouter!

posted by philthy @ 11:34 AM