The Rapper's Demise
Holy Crap ladies and gents! I have recently experienced one of the most disturbing songs of our generation. While riding back to Chicago, my man Shablizz, from Power 92 (#1 in the streets) played the new R Kelly song. Now R Kelly has had his moments over the past few years, from urinating on a young woman, to the sex scandals, his recent blowout with Jay-Z, and much much more. But the lyrics to his new song have dumbfounded me.And I quote: "Sex in the kitchen over by the stove. Put you on the counter, by the buttered rolls"
Wait wait wait, back up here. Did he just say Buttered Rolls??? He's doin' it by the Buttered Rolls!?!? That can't be...Who would rhyme stove with buttered rolls? This must be a mistake.
So the chorus comes around again and I pay really close attention this time: "Sex in the kitchen over by the stove. Put you on the counter, by the buttered rolls"
WHAT!!!! I thought I was mistaken the first time, there's no way that a man would write a song about having sex in a kitchen next to buttered rolls?
It was at this time that my eyes started to roll back in my head and I passed out. I don't know how long I was out, but I woke up at the emergency room. The doctors are standing around me, amazed that my vital signs are returning to normal. The doctor asked me what the last thing I remembered was, and I told him the story "I was driving along, and the new R Kelly song came on, and I vaguely remember the lyrics saying something about having sex in the kitchen next to some sort of food item...but I can't remember what it was. "Oh you mean the Buttered Rolls?" the doctor says. "I love that song, the nurses and I listen to it in the doctor's lounge, if you know what I mean"
NO!!! You mean this song is popular? People are buying it??? Why is this man still making millions of dollars??? Why is he an idol in the African American community??? What has he done to earn this money and respect??? I mean, his other songs like "Feelin' on yo Booty," and "Bump n' Grind" I thought they were bad enough, but this is unbelievable!!
Someone, please help me understand this...I'm not sure I can go on much longer.
posted by philthy @ 10:48 AM
9 Comments:
Phil, I wish I could offer some solace to you, but unfortunately I cannot. The next thing we know, pigs will be flying and worms will have ears*.
~Teresa
*Saved by the Bell reference
I don't know if I will ever have an appetite for buttered rolls again. Dangit, R Kelly.
On a side note, Abe and I saw R Kelly in Orlando a few years ago (only days before he was arrested for the stuff he did with a teenager). When we saw him, Abe totally flicked him off and I called him "lame" and "overrated".
>>Sex in the kitchen over by the stove. Put you on the counter, by the buttered rolls<<
Since R Kelly is such a stand up individual, I choose to presume that he was rescuing an innocent child from exposure to "sex in the kitchen." The "you" he refers to is a child who he found in his neighbor's kitchen while his neighbor was having sex by the stove. In an effort to prevent the child from seeing the "sex in the kitchen," R Kelly moved the child onto the counter with the buttered rolls (there was an obstruction between the stove and the counter). In addition, the kid was probably hungry and R Kelly wanted to make sure he got something to eat. Buttered rolls are a great treat for youngsters.
It appears that R Kelly is being misunderstood. He was trying to rescue a kid and you guys are all giving him heck for it. Then again, I have never heard the song.
phil,
you failed to mention that fact that if it wasn't for me controlling the radio, you would have been listening to Simon and Garfunkel on the ride home.
Yeah, Ahrens yelled at him. LOUD.
Pepperdeaf: That makes so much sense! thanks for clearing this up for me. I would like to take this time to personally apologize to R Kelly (who is an avid reader of this blog) I was confused and immediately attacked you without analyzing the situation. I'm sorry.
Also, for note Oneway, about 25% of the ridiculous things that happen to me are somehow related to you. And as for any future posts relating to Hippity Hop music, it should be assumed that you're the catalyst behind it unless otherwise noted.
You know R Kelly put out a gospel album? Isn't it neat when celebrities are religious? I totally have so much respect for him now.
thanks shablizz
Yeah, unfortunately in the black community, as long as you can sing, no matter what you do outside of church, you can still put out a Gospel album.
Coolio's coming out with one next.
yeah, I heard that Lil Kim is going to do camio song on coolio's album. I think the song is "How many prayers does it take til you get to the center of it"
and there it is, folks. He made it this far, so applaud him. But today, Phil finally went over the line.
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